Great Lakes Fish & Chips Declared Superior

Ann Arbor, MI — A bold new culinary study has rattled Britain’s food scene: Great Lakes fish and chips, made with freshwater perch and walleye, have been officially declared superior to the UK’s saltwater versions.

The study, conducted by the North American Fried Fish Institute, compared texture, flavor, and “overall crispiness satisfaction.” Michigan perch reportedly outranked North Sea cod and haddock in blind taste tests conducted on both sides of the Atlantic. “Freshwater species have a sweeter flavor profile,” explained lead researcher Dr. Carla Benton. “It’s science — and also delicious.”

In Liverpool, the findings have sparked outrage. One chippy owner dismissed the report as “propaganda from across the pond.” But in Michigan, locals are celebrating. “We’ve always known perch is the gold standard,” said one Alpena fisherman. “Cod is just… cod.”

Restaurants across the Midwest are now branding their baskets as “World’s Best Fish & Chips,” while some UK pubs have quietly begun importing frozen Great Lakes fillets. Rumors suggest that the London Fish & Chips Festival may even add a “Best Freshwater” category next year.

For now, the verdict is clear: when it comes to fried fish, the Great Lakes aren’t just holding their own — they’re winning. As one British tourist reluctantly admitted after sampling a Michigan platter: “I hate to say it, but… they’re better.”